Neighborhood Novelist Gifts

"The house next door is similar to this one but not quite as grand."

$1: Family Secrets

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

'Mom's baking finally allowed us to diversify and greatly increase our neighborhood market share.'

'He's great, he can even fetch the paper. Off the neighbour's step.'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

'You sure your dad won't mind if we use his silicone spray?'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

Progress.

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

'Happy Town' See the smiley face?

'He lives in a house, and it's by the side of the road, but he's still not a friend to man.'

'Honey, it's not the Feds. It's the pseudo-feds.'

'Great! Thanks to the damn mortage crisis, we've got to live in a neighbourhood now where we wake up with yellow feet every second morning...'

Autumn Leaves

The Burbs

'I remember when it was a row of quaint little coffee bars and boutiques.'

Interrupted Shower.

Location, Location, Location - Next 3 exits.

It was a nice neighborhood untill the A-holes moved in.

"I walk into their yard every few days and knock over their trash. How do you know the Johnsons?"

'Er...any chance that when you've finished with the kids, the cooking and washing up you could help us develop a new waste management recovery system for the borough?'

Neighbourhood watch and slug watch.

Sketchy Neighborhood

Giant Cannon in the Suburbs

'Hello, I've just moved in next door. Can I borrow some sugar please?'

"The neighborhood association wants to know why you're never at our meetings."

"The kid next door is doing a school project on heighborhood success stories and wanted to talk to you. I laughed so hard I wet my pants."