Needlework Humor Gifts

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

I quilt therefore I am

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Knit One, Pearl One, Drop One.

Arts and crafts

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

I love embroidery

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

Board Meeting

octopus knitting a jumper...

'Maybe we could put our knitting down until the examination is over.'

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

'Aside from your plastic canvas projects, what else have you been doing since you retired?'

'I was thinking acupuncture might cure his laziness. . .'

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

'Are you admiring my embroidery, dear? To fully appreciate it you need these...'

'Don't tell anybody, I'm expecting a doll.'

"By the time I knocked all the rough edges off I had nothing left."

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

'He fainted when he saw the needle.'

"How may I hurt you?"

Bless this horse

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

Multitasking

Maid with her sewing basket

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

'Nice needlework, dear, but we don't need a bigger house.'

Man and woman knitting together.

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

"It's not cotton, honey. It's nylon quilted to polyester. The leaves and trim are twenty per cent acrylic and eighty per cent modacrylic, and the flowers are acetate. The backing is polypropylene. Go to bed."