Woodworking Humor Gifts

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

"Lovely dovetail."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Green Peace'

Board Meeting

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

Wallpapering 4

Lumberjack:'TIMBERRRR!' Tree:'MURDERERRRR!'

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

"By the time I knocked all the rough edges off I had nothing left."

'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'

Cutting Down Trees to Build the Ark

"I've got a splitting headache."

"Let me guess: Another splinter?"

'The living room shelves are coming along nicely dear.'

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

"I once looked for meaning from my work. Now all I want is a decent cup of coffee."

Cow with meat diagrams - tree with furniture diagrams.

You gonna finish that?

Ok, Rob. We'll get right on it. That was the third neighbor grousing about our yard. It's the natural look. Not in this ecosystem.

'It's a veritable superstore for us woodworm!'

'TERMITES!'

'Yes, we do have special handling for dissatisfied customers.'

"He's in charge of mowing... I mainly fertilize."

"We couldn't find a trainer with an in depth understanding of international debt collateral derivatives but Norman here does know a bit about woodworking."

"Oh my god, I'm board!"

'Not only can I get rid of your shingles; I can get you a great deal on vinyl siding from my brother.'

"I'm afraid it's termites."

'Construction Lite, 13 less 2 X 4s than our regular construction.'