Woodwork Humorist Gifts

Cow with meat diagrams - tree with furniture diagrams.

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'This is the questionnaire we need everyone to fill out about their views on excessive bureaucracy.'

Board Meeting

"Just so you understand in advance - we're not old-time craftsmen, and we don't take pride in our work."

Man sitting at desk below sign saying 'Apologies' and two trays labelled 'Reserved' and 'Unreserved'.

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

Files of Doom

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

"I have to go. I have another coffee break on seven."

"By the time I knocked all the rough edges off I had nothing left."

Tree and man

Department of Geography: Latitude and Longitude.

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'

'As if I didn't already have enough cleaning and sewing to do, the big galoot goes and invents COOKING!'

'I didn't forget to empty my pockets. That's your tip.'

"Let me guess: Another splinter?"

"I've got a splitting headache."

'The living room shelves are coming along nicely dear.'

Cutting Down Trees to Build the Ark

Computer munching his way through a pile of paper

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."

'Wow! It looks like my hypnosis lessons finally paid off!'

"It's a question that management would like you to fill out explaining why you want to retire early."

The Emperor's New Clothesline.

"There's just time for you to sign your paperwork..."

"A cubicle is too small? Be glad that you are not one of our temporary workers....they've got to work in here!"

'TERMITES!'