Woodworking Humorist Gifts

You gonna finish that?

"I'm afraid it's termites."

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

A classic case of 'Cow-Worm'.

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Board Meeting

"Just so you understand in advance - we're not old-time craftsmen, and we don't take pride in our work."

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

'Now where did I put my knitting needles?'

Tree and man

"By the time I knocked all the rough edges off I had nothing left."

"I have to go. I have another coffee break on seven."

'I just find it interesting. You remember everything except where your dirty clothes go.'

'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'

'I didn't forget to empty my pockets. That's your tip.'

'As if I didn't already have enough cleaning and sewing to do, the big galoot goes and invents COOKING!'

Cutting Down Trees to Build the Ark

"Let me guess: Another splinter?"

'The living room shelves are coming along nicely dear.'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

"It's all right for you, my job sucks."

Seasoned firewood

'Wow! It looks like my hypnosis lessons finally paid off!'

Cow with meat diagrams - tree with furniture diagrams.

The Emperor's New Clothesline.

'TERMITES!'

Ok, Rob. We'll get right on it. That was the third neighbor grousing about our yard. It's the natural look. Not in this ecosystem.

"The new smart dryer sends you an email when your husband doesn't separate the darks and lights!"

What do you mean 'Hunting insurance is only for those DOING the hunting'?!

'It's a veritable superstore for us woodworm!'