Needlepoint Humorist Gifts

'Isn't that an awful big needle for such a tiny dog?'

'I'll never let my love of fishing come between us.'

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

A woman needlepoints a barcode.

Echo Echo Point Point.

Porcupine reading book on 'Needlepoint'

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

Knockout!

'We will need a standard resume in addition to this beautiful needlepoint recommendation from your mother.'

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

"If I ever get my own business, I'm going to practice the Golden Rule."

Two victorian women sitting on a bobbin

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

'How long have you been unemployed? I have never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

I get knocked down and I stay there

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

Needlepoint Viewpoint

'You really don't get this 'going clubbing' thing ... '

Grandma Knits Up A Storm

It's not as sexy as hunting or gathering, but I'm the guy who makes sense of it all.

'And then the jury decided that I was ready for a long term relationship with the penal code system.'

Comb Sweet Comb.

Attack of the killer snails!

"Is that how yo do the Vulcan nerve grip?" "No, it's rheumatoid athritis."

Woman watching television: 'Now they've gone too far - animated reality programming?'

At last, a reality show that actually has some basis in reality!