Needle-point Enthusiast Gifts

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Dear Sadie, I'm twelve years old and I still can't make a half-court shot in basketball. What should I do? - Moe. Moe, I know you want a quick fix, but there's no substitute for hard work. Master the half-court shot the way I mastered needle-point, practice five hours a day for seventy-five years … while giving your competitors backhanded compliments. With diligence, you'll eventually outlive anyone who knows your failings … which means they never

Knit One, Pearl One, Drop One.

The latest craze in party games: needlepoint charades.

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Acupuncture clinic

Nurse playing darts with syringes.

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

'Aside from your plastic canvas projects, what else have you been doing since you retired?'

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

'He's trained to the laser pointer.'

"I have bad news, but it's in bullet points!"

"This is just the kind of thing healthcare reform should be trying to stop."

"Can you come back with that three year study summarised in six or less powerpoint bulletpoints?"

'I'm trying homeopathcy, what are you trying?' 'Acupuncture!'

"How may I hurt you?"

A woman needlepoints a barcode.

Acupunture Clinic opens next to a Ballon Animal shop.

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

Be polite to your acupuncturist at all times. A basic life lesson hard learned.

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

Porcupine reading book on 'Needlepoint'

Acupuncture darts.

'And a couple more should relieve your back-pain Sir...'

'We will need a standard resume in addition to this beautiful needlepoint recommendation from your mother.'

Porcupine Acupuncture

Two victorian women sitting on a bobbin

"Have you tried acupuncture. . .?"

'How long have you been unemployed? I have never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

'Enough acupuncture - get me a couple of aspirin.'

Zorro repairs his trousers.

Knitting ball

Man undergoes acupuncture while doctor looks at acupressure gauge.