Needle Neophyte Gifts

Nurse has painted target of patient's butt.

The latest craze in party games: needlepoint charades.

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

Woman knitting a washing line.

Successful vaccination

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

'Just a minute, I forgot something.'

"This is just the kind of thing healthcare reform should be trying to stop."

"The doctor will give you your shot. I'm just going to referee."

"Somehow, I feel that this site and Stonehenge are connected!"

Acupressure Gauge

'I'm trying homeopathcy, what are you trying?' 'Acupuncture!'

"Err..Hello?..Wilsons Car Sales? I'm having a little teething trouble with the satellite navigation system"

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

A woman needlepoints a barcode.

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupuncture needles should go?"

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

Porcupine reading book on 'Needlepoint'

"Just one more..."

Nurse sharpening a needle before an injection.

'We will need a standard resume in addition to this beautiful needlepoint recommendation from your mother.'

'You heard the man, Harold. It's a formal cruise--go back to the room and put on your black flip-flops.'

"See, I told you it would hurt me as much as it would hurt you."

Two victorian women sitting on a bobbin

"I have inoculation issues."

'I've changed my mind, I'm using all mine!'

'Taking up knitting has been good therapy for you.'

Acupuncture Treatment Room. My acupuncturist used placebos on me today.

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Dear Sadie, I'm twelve years old and I still can't make a half-court shot in basketball. What should I do? - Moe. Moe, I know you want a quick fix, but there's no substitute for hard work. Master the half-court shot the way I mastered needle-point, practice five hours a day for seventy-five years … while giving your competitors backhanded compliments. With diligence, you'll eventually outlive anyone who knows your failings … which means they never

'How long have you been unemployed? I have never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'