Neck Specialist Gifts

Hazard of texting

"I stand corrected."

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'Very funny!'

"It's probably a fracture - we'll do some imaging on it just to be sure."

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

Pole Star

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"It's just a hunch, but you spend a lot time at your computer, don't you?"

Big slipper.

"Whiplash..."

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

Older lady to husband surrounded by dogs: 'Still getting feedback from your hearing aid?'

'I know just how you feel.'

"Hibernate sounds better than binge watch."

"Doctor Scholl and Mr. Hyde."

A doctor calls a body builder to perform a patella tap test on a large patient.

'Let me handle this. I'm an orthopedic specialist.'

"Since you're always asking, here's a list of my various kinds of sighs, with explanation of what each one means."

Daredevil. No. But it's been months now. I wanna talk about it. Well, I haven't watched the last couple episodes yet. Blasphemy! You have one job as a modern American consumer of Netflixian entertainment: and that's to binge-watch every episode the day the series is released. Sorry, little buddy. Some of us have lives. What's that supposed to mean?! Careful what you say around seniors. You'd never be man enough to handle a good Price is Right marathon! You distract it while I make my escape.

The Cello Victims

"You don't need a doctor to look at your throat, you need a CHOIRPRACTOR."

'I must admit I panicked when I first saw the low bone-density test results, but since you're a bird, it's all good!'

"I'm the hospital's cardiologists. The tests are conclusive. You do wear your heart on your sleeve."

"You have what we in our profession call a Frozen Shoulder, Mister Saunders."

'Why did you have your hip replaced if it wasn't bothering me?'

'Hello Mr Jones, I'm the Bone Specialist.'

Man on the way to Heaven worries about steps.

The Dawn of Paleontology: "I think I knew this guy."

'We're seeing more of this in the touch-pad era: your fingertips need a retread.'

"I don't like lying to my husband so I need something to give me a headache."

"I hate the wide screen, but it's good exercise for my neck."

Osteoporosis Clinic

Free neck massages.

"I finally stopped smoking. It's great to have clean lungs!"