Near-death Experience Ponderers Gifts

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

"How can you be out of wings?"

"Good game."

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I know you've been together a long time, but I'm sorry... Your microbiome can't follow you in."

"I thought I'd come back YOUNG!"

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.

"We'll be single again in Heaven, right?"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"You think it's tough down there?"

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

"Are you sure I 'can't take it with me'? I brought some for you."

Angel sees FIRE EXIT sign on trap door in cloud.

'Tell me father, why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.'

"I haven't seen you up here before. When were you uploaded?"

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

Shoptalk

'You didn't think you could get away from us that easily, did you?'

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'