Surviving A Near-death Experience Gifts

"The aftereffects may include years of insufferably life-affirming pronouncements."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

Saved...life is good!

Robinson Crusoe's blog.

'How the heck could we lose a $14,000 pacemaker?!'

'If it wasn't for you darling - I think I would go crazy!'

"Holy water, holy water...."

What? I had to fire our flare gun at him before he fired his flare gun at us!

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

Sling

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

Livin' the dream

"Once you've been caught in the headlights life seems somehow inexorably changed."

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

'What luck. It's Kosher.'

Deflating Island

Suddenly Billy realized that his grandma was right...Now that he was grown up, he did have to beat the women off with a stick.

"For the last time — there is no ‘other woman’!"

"You owe your life to that dog. He pulled you to safety. Unfortunately, there's still no sign of the dog ??" or your arm."

'Celebrate good times, come on...!'

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t

Vultures wait on a desert island.

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

Bottle Of Thousand Island Dressing going towards island.

'Ol? everyone! I'm keeping the sunglasses for Hollywood!'

'You have two of the most beautiful legs in the world. I counted them.'