Surviving A Near-death Experience Gifts

"The aftereffects may include years of insufferably life-affirming pronouncements."

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Barbeque Casualty.

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

Saved...life is good!

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

Robinson Crusoe's blog.

"Holy water, holy water...."

'If it wasn't for you darling - I think I would go crazy!'

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

'I told you we should have packed a lunch.'

Sling

Livin' the dream

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"Once you've been caught in the headlights life seems somehow inexorably changed."

'You're six months late. I hope you brought a note from your doctor.'

'What luck. It's Kosher.'

"You owe your life to that dog. He pulled you to safety. Unfortunately, there's still no sign of the dog ??" or your arm."

Suddenly Billy realized that his grandma was right...Now that he was grown up, he did have to beat the women off with a stick.

Deflating Island

"For the last time — there is no ‘other woman’!"

'Celebrate good times, come on...!'

"Mother said she started toward the light but she's so bad with directions that she made a couple wrong turns and had to turn back."

'The good news is the airline was trying to skimp on fuel, and no terrorists were involved.'t

Vultures wait on a desert island.

Bottle Of Thousand Island Dressing going towards island.

'Say 'Nessage in a gottle.' one more time and I'm putting you back in your box.'

"How long do you think we can survive?"

'You have two of the most beautiful legs in the world. I counted them.'

'Ol? everyone! I'm keeping the sunglasses for Hollywood!'

'Is there any particular reason your middle name is stinky?'