Navigating Health Insurance Pillows

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Doctor, could you prescribe something that will help me figure out my part D drug coverage?"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

'You're allergic to feathers.'

Medicare: More is Better!

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'You'll never live to regret it!'

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

Doctor uses his stethoscope on the patient's wallet.

'Honestly, all I'm looking for is a job with a better health insurance plan.'

'I got all woozy reading the restrictions in my health insurance contract!'

"My concussion caused that out-of-body feeling, but my insurance caused that out-of-pocket experience."

'You look sick. Why don't you see your health insurance underwriter to see what he'll allow your doctor to prescribe?'

"Please include the number of a close relative in case there's an emergency...with your insurance."

'This can't be right...I went private some time ago.'

'I'm sorry, but it appears your application has been declined due to a post existing condition.'

"Insurance doesn't cover these sessions. Now...don't your other problems seem insignificant?"

Doctor to patient 'Your health insurance only covers placebos.'

'You've only got a few days left to use up your healthcare benefits for the year. I'm going to call to see if I can get you in for a colonoscopy.'

"Your HMO won't cover this so I'm going to rub some salt in these wounds."

"Insurance covered the broken ankle, but the deductible was painful."

'Remember: medical insurance is like a hospital gown - You're never covered as much as you think you are.'