Getting Health Insurance Pillows

'I've come a long way. I now have health insurance.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Medicare: More is Better!

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"I scheduled you for a workshop on insurance forms followed by a workshop on stress."

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

'You paid the insurance bill, right?'

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

How the Obamacare exchanges will work.

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

"This medication may interact with paying your rent and being able to afford cable."

'We're introducing a LARGE new dental plan.'