Getting Health Insurance Pillows

'I've come a long way. I now have health insurance.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

Medicare: More is Better!

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

'Intensive and or expensive care?'

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

"I scheduled you for a workshop on insurance forms followed by a workshop on stress."

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

'You paid the insurance bill, right?'

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'It didn't make sense until I conferred with your financial planner.'

Yes, we do sell house insurance and life insurance, but I don't think you need both.

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

How the Obamacare exchanges will work.

'All this cutting edge diagnostic imaging equipment and we still can't see through all of these new ACA requirements!'