Buying Insurance Pillows

'Am I covered if a car falls on my tree?'

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

'You paid the insurance bill, right?'

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

'I'm sure it's a good insurance policy but I'm not sure what my husband will say.'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Obama Healthcare.

"I just..."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Healthy Patients Only

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"