Buying Life Insurance Pillows

"No, Mrs. Johnson, in life insurance we don't have a policy that provides for the 'full replacement value' for your husband."

"What were you doing talking to our insurance agent today?"

"I just..."

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

"Trust me, darling. It was only a bumper car ride. I promise, it won't affect your no claims bonus."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

'Wait. . . wouldn't the Golden Harp be covered under the giant's homeowner's insurance?'

"With this policy, at the age of 12, he receives 10 marrow bones a month."

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'For added curb appeal, I think you should fill the moat.'

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

"Richard, Mr. Chenolock, the insurance man, is here to determine your life expectancy."

Bert wanders into an Alternate Realty...

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

"Got it!"

Misread medical policy.

"Robyn Dixon got remarried!!!"

"Do you further promise to love, honor and obey this insurance company and to disclose to it any pre-existing medical conditions?"

"Thank God we're insured"

'You paid the insurance bill, right?'

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

'Our insurance company doesn't cover saucer theft if it's left unlocked, so lock it even through this seems like a safe neighborhood.'

"Before I can write your insurance policy, this place has to be made more accessible. I almost fell in your moat!"

Yes, we do sell house insurance and life insurance, but I don't think you need both.

Life insurance company

'Whoa, doc! Are those expensive, brand-name leeches? My insurance only covers generics.'

"My concussion caused that out-of-body feeling, but my insurance caused that out-of-pocket experience."

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

"I told my wife this place didn't offer full medical benefits!"