Dealing With Health Insurance Pillows

'You look sick. Why don't you see your health insurance underwriter to see what he'll allow your doctor to prescribe?'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'Stop! Don't try to move him until we get his insurance information!'

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Medicare: More is Better!

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"Your prognosis is tied to the outcome of the election."

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

Medical Bills.

'Bypass? This is more like a bill for an overpass!'

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'Tell me if this hurts.'

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

"The worse part is, I paid the doctor in advance."

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

'Sweet! Money to pay my health insurance premium!'

How the Obamacare exchanges will work.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'