Dealing With Health Insurance Gifts

'You look sick. Why don't you see your health insurance underwriter to see what he'll allow your doctor to prescribe?'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Unfortunately there's no HMO for what you have"

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

'Stop! Don't try to move him until we get his insurance information!'

Medicare: More is Better!

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

"Your prognosis is tied to the outcome of the election."

'My union prevented taking away our dental plan to pay for executive bonuses!'

Akron, oh, you're on Ask Sadie. What's your problem?! I'm thinking of not signing up for health insurance this year. Good idea. In my day, there was no such thing as health insurance. If you got sick, you paid for it with either money or chickens. That's if you were a lily-livered coward who just had to see a doctor. When great-great-grandmother Cohen had her sixth heart attack, she just applied a poultice made of chestnut leaves and flour and kept on plowing.

'I'm afraid neither your insurance nor your immune system will cover it.'

'Bypass? This is more like a bill for an overpass!'

"Doctor, does my policy cover little sharp arrows?!"

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

Medical Bills.

"And remember, kid, you've got Blue Cross."

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

"For healthy older patients like yourself who are running out of money, I prescribe red meat, fat, and booze."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'Tell me if this hurts.'

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

I'm waiting for test results. I might be sick with. What? I can't get the word out. This doesn't sound good.

"If it's any consolation, the money we earn from private patients is helping keep you while you're on the waiting list."

'I'm just praying that your financial condition isn't contagious.'

"Umbrella, chair, sunscreen - all paid for by my Silver Flip Flops health insurance program."

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."