Dealing With Insurance Gifts

"Your HMO won't cover this so I'm going to rub some salt in these wounds."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'Emergency! ACME life insurance company, please!'

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

"My concussion caused that out-of-body feeling, but my insurance caused that out-of-pocket experience."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Obama Healthcare.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

Healthy Patients Only

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"Darling, do you remember where I put the insurance policies?"

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"