Dealing With Insurance Pillows

"Your HMO won't cover this so I'm going to rub some salt in these wounds."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'Emergency! ACME life insurance company, please!'

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"My concussion caused that out-of-body feeling, but my insurance caused that out-of-pocket experience."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

Obama Healthcare.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Healthy Patients Only

'Relax, we're letting you go. Your insurance didn't go through.'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

"Be afraid my friends...if the government takes over your healthcare, you're going to be left with nothing!"

"We did our best for your husband but his poor old health insurance was too weak..."