Navigating Insurance Pillows

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

"I just..."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

Island of Lost Guys.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'You're allergic to feathers.'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

"Can't find your office, doc?"

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'I used to give directions by naming all the pubs along the route - I'm as lost as you are now!'

Lockdown Signpost

"The good news is your husband is covered by insurance....The bad news is he suffered a mental breakdown from the registration process."

"Admit it, we're lost."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

"We're happy that you got great news on your tests. We're still sending in our grievance counselor to help you cope with your medical bill, though."

"So, as you can see, health care is so complicated you may never get well."

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

I came for my daughter. She was hurt in gym? Your husband took her to the hospital. West Fester High School. Is my daughter, Twig Tree, here? Emergency. Your husband took her home. Isn't there anything I can do? Of course there is! Your insurance card, please. I am a good mother!

"The vasectomy clinic? Go past the barbers, left at the scissor factory, cut through the bollards and it's opposite the sewing machine shop."

Hillbilly mall maps.

'The operation turned out better than I expected. Your insurance paid for everything.'

'I'm referring you to tech assistance to help figure out your insurance options.'

"Doctor, could you prescribe something that will help me figure out my part D drug coverage?"

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

'It's $19.95 for the pills and $79.95 for the anti-side effect medication.'

"He said turn left at the fork!"

'Shall we forget the ball and start to look for the golf course?'