Navigating Insurance Mugs

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

"I just..."

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

Island of Lost Guys.

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'You mean that if one of us came to a sticky end I would receive a hundred thousand?'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'You're allergic to feathers.'

'Your coverages suggest it will spread rapidly to your wallet.'

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

"Can't find your office, doc?"

"Your health insurance doesn't cover what you've got...so I'm diagnosing you with something they do cover."

"Luckily, my insurance covers roadside assistance."

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

Lockdown Signpost

'I used to give directions by naming all the pubs along the route - I'm as lost as you are now!'

"The good news is your husband is covered by insurance....The bad news is he suffered a mental breakdown from the registration process."

"Admit it, we're lost."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

"So, as you can see, health care is so complicated you may never get well."

'Which is worse - no pre-existing condition coverage. . . or no health insurance?'

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

"We're happy that you got great news on your tests. We're still sending in our grievance counselor to help you cope with your medical bill, though."

"The vasectomy clinic? Go past the barbers, left at the scissor factory, cut through the bollards and it's opposite the sewing machine shop."

Hillbilly mall maps.

'The operation turned out better than I expected. Your insurance paid for everything.'

'I'm referring you to tech assistance to help figure out your insurance options.'

"Doctor, could you prescribe something that will help me figure out my part D drug coverage?"

'It's $19.95 for the pills and $79.95 for the anti-side effect medication.'

'Shall we forget the ball and start to look for the golf course?'

"He said turn left at the fork!"