Health Insurance Navigator Pillows

'You're allergic to feathers.'

"Please include the number of a close relative in case there's an emergency...with your insurance."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

"Cardiac day patients?"

"According to the insurance company, you don't have a leg to stand on."

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

Woman and scales.

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

"The good news is your husband is covered by insurance....The bad news is he suffered a mental breakdown from the registration process."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

GPs to be required to offer appointments in advance.

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

Hospital bed shortages

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'