Navigating Health Insurance Gifts

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"Doctor, could you prescribe something that will help me figure out my part D drug coverage?"

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'Excuse me, sir. Could you spare $2000,000 to treat an uninsurable pre-existing condition?'

'There, we're up and running! Let the logging in begin. . .'

'You're allergic to feathers.'

Medicare: More is Better!

"Well the good news is that according to your insurance there is nothing wrong with you."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

'I really should have paid more attention to the company's health care coverage options before I accepted a job here.'

'You'll never live to regret it!'

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'The good news is your HMO has waived your co-payment on the autopsy.'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

I came for my daughter. She was hurt in gym? Your husband took her to the hospital. West Fester High School. Is my daughter, Twig Tree, here? Emergency. Your husband took her home. Isn't there anything I can do? Of course there is! Your insurance card, please. I am a good mother!

"The police want to ask you a few questions about where you get such good health insurance at such an affordable rate."

'A lot of this has been going around. It comes from wondering who's going to pay for health insurance.'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

'Welcome! Do you have any questions? Concerns? Pre-existing conditions?'

Doctor uses his stethoscope on the patient's wallet.

'Honestly, all I'm looking for is a job with a better health insurance plan.'

'This can't be right...I went private some time ago.'

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

Cards for All Occasions. Wedding Get-Well Grads Sympathy Congrats Friendship. It's for a friend who's having an operation and it's going to be covered by his HMO. Would that be "Get Well" or "Congratulations"?

"Please include the number of a close relative in case there's an emergency...with your insurance."

"Insurance doesn't cover these sessions. Now...don't your other problems seem insignificant?"

'I'm sorry, but it appears your application has been declined due to a post existing condition.'

"My concussion caused that out-of-body feeling, but my insurance caused that out-of-pocket experience."

'You look sick. Why don't you see your health insurance underwriter to see what he'll allow your doctor to prescribe?'

'I got all woozy reading the restrictions in my health insurance contract!'

Doctor to patient 'Your health insurance only covers placebos.'

'You've only got a few days left to use up your healthcare benefits for the year. I'm going to call to see if I can get you in for a colonoscopy.'

"Your HMO won't cover this so I'm going to rub some salt in these wounds."