Naughty Novices Gifts

"I dunno. Have you been watering them?"

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

Naughty-ometer.

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

'Hold on, Ma, he's posting.'

"Same here. It's my first time too."

"If you have a boyfriend, I have some advice, young lady! Wisdom that's been handed down from generation to generation!"

Tom Prepares for his Hot Date.

"Yes, but it's naturally toxic."

'I think I'm going to throw up.'

'Oh Santa, I really have been a naughty reindeer. Oh oh, whip me harder.'

I like my company portrait. Did they use any Photoshop?

'I understand what you've done, Kevin, but I can't condone it.'

Alas but only a few people master the perfect pick up line

Fly fisherman just hooked neighbor's hat.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling

"Yes, daddy, we're almost to the driveway...No, Daddy, Tommy hasn't tried anything yet!"

"It keeps asking me if I'll accept cookies... I'm not even hungry!"

'Find out who got Santa the Slim-master 6000 and put them on the naughty list.'

'First day on the job is always exciting. I can tell you're just itching to get started.'

"Well you guys are now on the naughty list!"