Naughty Kid Expert Gifts

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

"Send ME to bed early, will they?"

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

Children should be seen and not a herd.

Hell No Kitty

'You know that bottle of ink that was standing on the desk...?'

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

Darling, you should have asked me to put sun tan lotion on your back and not the kids!

'You did that on purpose!'

Snowball Fight With Santa

'Last year my kids put a sign on my back, but tomorrow, on April Fools Day, I'll be ready, they won't get me again.'

'Dad! What time is it when the big hand is on eight and the little hand is all over the floor?'

Naughty-ometer.

"It's OK, Trump will pardon me."

""Forget that 'Age Before Beauty' stuff. I want to stay behind you to keep an eye on you!"

'Wait, I've changed my mind. He hasn't been very good this year.'

S&M woman has hung up stockings and put milk and cookies on the floor for Santa in a dogbowl

'...that isn't clever and it isn't funny!'

'Father Christmas regrets to inform you that your application for presents has been unsuccessful on this occasion.'

'Do me a favour,son-go traumatise your mother!'

"Try not to anticipate trouble, Miss Mead."

Mother goosing her young son.

'I hope you're satisfied! -- My friend's halo just exploded!'

'What did the kids do now?!'

'I understand what you've done, Kevin, but I can't condone it.'

'...but if you are naughty you will end up covered in a secret recipe of eleven herbs and spices.'

'I thought you went to school.'

'Find out who got Santa the Slim-master 6000 and put them on the naughty list.'

"Well you guys are now on the naughty list!"

'Admit it! You and your brother have been bouncing on your bed again.'

'What do you mean 'What would nanny say'?'

Best Orgasms.

"I dunno. Have you been watering them?"