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Allergy Clinic: Summertime and the Breathing is Wheezy.

Nose Spray.

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Pull and all nighter...

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

Number Phobia.

Manopause: The time when a man has more hair growing out of his nose and ears than he does his head.

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'Ok, so you smelled gas and then you ... wait a minute! You're a family of opossums?'

"They were known as the tribe that didn't sleep."

The wedding.

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

'When you put on a new nicotene patch you're supposed to take the old ones off!'

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

"Uh oh. It's the kids...and they're flying back!"

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'"Silent killer'?! That's your nickname? That's so cool Dad!"

'Insomniacs Anonymous. Next meeting 3am,Tues.'

'Why can't I ever lead?'

Snooze Cruise

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"

Napquest

'I never know which side to start on.'

Hospital bed shortages

'Honest! It was the only tree I could find!'

'Yes, please, go on and on about the interaction between the wine's bouquet and the various inner parts of your nose.'

I'm giving you a prescription for hard-to-remove stop smoking patches. Place one over the opening of every pack of cigarettes you buy.

"Why does she wait until I'm sleeping to knock the pencil around the apartment?"

'I'll only have one pack of nicotene patches this week. My mate's supposed to be getting me some cheaper ones from abroad.'

No smoking initiative.