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Survivors of Near-Flu Experiences

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"My life must really be boring. I asked the guy why he hacked into my social media and he replied that reading it helps him get to sleep a night."

'In my experience, life is good most of the time, but come the holidays, they look at me as if I'm a nuisance...'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

'Face it, you'd be lost without me!'

"Oh shut up."

"Wake up."

'Yes, he's neurotic - It's a common condition with neurologists.'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

'You're meant to take off the old nicotine patches before putting on a new one!'

'When you put on a new nicotene patch you're supposed to take the old ones off!'

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

"Dad, how often have I told you there's no point in trying to start an argument with the sat-nav?"

Pick a direction.

"You must cut down on your smoking."

Moral Ambiguity

Snooze Cruise

Napquest

Allergy Clinic: Summertime and the Breathing is Wheezy.

'I never know which side to start on.'

"I wasn't nervously hovered around enough as a child."

Hospital bed shortages

Swerving and arguning lane

'Honest! It was the only tree I could find!'

For centuries, I've trusted my gut. Which one of you talked me into using GPS? Recalculating.

'I'll only have one pack of nicotene patches this week. My mate's supposed to be getting me some cheaper ones from abroad.'

'And what can I do for you..?'

'Yes, please, go on and on about the interaction between the wine's bouquet and the various inner parts of your nose.'

No smoking initiative.