Narrative Nincompoopery Gifts

"When the heck does this story start? Oh, wait—this is a cookbook."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Victor Hugo

Bookworm Sleepover

"Dad, please tell me again about that mass production and consumerism."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

"Name your sources."

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Thomas Keneally

"I'm after the history section."

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"And Jasper, dear Jasper, with his soulful eyes and great sagging jowl, would be stretched upon the floor, his tail a-thump when he heard his master's footsteps." Penny loved Daphne Du Maurier's 'Rebecca'.

"Your article on the safe storage of combustibles is quite good, but I think you should leave out the part about the wicked witch setting you on fire."

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

Ilyasah Shabazz

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

Reading room

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

"I've found my voice, Penny. It's deep, wise, and compassionate."