Narrative Nincompoopery T-Shirts

"When the heck does this story start? Oh, wait—this is a cookbook."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Bookworm Sleepover

"Dad, please tell me again about that mass production and consumerism."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

Man commiting suicide finds the treasure at the bottom of the sea.

"I'm after the history section."

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

Thomas Keneally

"It's a narrative I didn't intend."

"And Jasper, dear Jasper, with his soulful eyes and great sagging jowl, would be stretched upon the floor, his tail a-thump when he heard his master's footsteps." Penny loved Daphne Du Maurier's 'Rebecca'.

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Your article on the safe storage of combustibles is quite good, but I think you should leave out the part about the wicked witch setting you on fire."

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

Ilyasah Shabazz

History Department: 'I used to be a revisionist myself, you know!'

'Hold on, pal! Who's in control of the narrative here?'

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

“I’ve got an idea for a story: Gus and Ethel live on Long Island, on the North Shore. He works sixteen hours a day writing fiction. Ethel never goes out, never does anything except fix Gus sandwiches and in the end she becomes a nympho-lesbo-killer-whore. Here’s your sandwich”

Reading room

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"I've found my voice, Penny. It's deep, wise, and compassionate."

Jonah met a strange wooden boy in the belly of the whale.

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

"Sorry, but your personal life story just isn't very original."