Narrative Nerd Gifts

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

Based On A True Story

"Sorry, but your personal life story just isn't very original."

"The margins on your book proposals are sooo even, Ms. Holly, and the type so black and crisp. . ."

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

Writer's Block.

Bernie's passport photo was so bad, he was banned in sixteen countries for over five years.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

First Novels.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

John Bunyan

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

Jack London

Moby Dick

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Addicted to reading

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

Fyodor Dostoevsky

He was a nerd. But he was her nerd.

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'