Narrative Nerd Gifts

'Oooh, man... I meant to express that as an interior monologue!' ~ Fred, left to his own literary devices.

"Name your sources."

Based On A True Story

"Sorry, but your personal life story just isn't very original."

"The margins on your book proposals are sooo even, Ms. Holly, and the type so black and crisp. . ."

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

Writer's Block.

Bernie's passport photo was so bad, he was banned in sixteen countries for over five years.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

First Novels.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

John Bunyan

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

A woman with a novel and poetry handbag.

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

"Harry Potter and the People Who Care Way Too Much About Harry Potter"

"My great-great-grandfather was forced to flee Europe because of religious persecution."

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

Moby Dick

What Harper Lee's REALLY been up to all these years

Jack London

''Animal Farm' by George Orwell is definitely my favourite book...'

Addicted to reading

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Og invents the first 'X' box. . . and inadvertently invents the first i pad.