Narrative Irony Fan Gifts

"Pay no attention to Brian, he's always playing the victim."

End the Winter Blues

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'He always has your back - - - but it's mostly to step on.'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"I don't know if they do or not. . . I've never opened it."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'It always great to get away from it all.'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Actually, I became a psychiatrist because the voices told me to.'

Gigolo Diary

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

Ingoldsby Legends - Impious Bishop Robert of Birchington

The Doomed Character

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"Don't take this the wrong way, but the first minute I saw you I wished you the worst."

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

'No, but you're getting warmer.'

A Cold Snap

"It appears to have been done with a key to the city, which narrows the suspects."

The outside of a museum with a banner that reads "Nothing by you".

If the British had been the first to see the Grand Canyon.

Man: 'What the...?!' / 404 ERROR!

'He's petitioning the Government to ban petitions.'

I like your suit, to me it says 'management'

"I told him it wouldn't kill him to try to be nice once in a while, but I was wrong."

Congress and the Four Day Week.

"That's Gerald, he was your predecessor as head of strategic planning."

' . . . but have you had a nice time?'