Historical Irony Fan Gifts

Ingoldsby Legends - Impious Bishop Robert of Birchington

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

"Dad, where did you get the name Baldo?"

"Welcome to our land. Immigration check is this way. Please have your passport ready."

Made in China

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"Bonk!"

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding as written and as it would have been written if David Hume had invested in a word processor,

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

Early attempts at standardising currency.

'Raping and pillaging, Seniors' Tour, 898AD.'

'It always great to get away from it all.'

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Young costermonger trying to sell to a gentleman.

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"He's Right Behind Me, Isn't He?"

'Yes, the colours are wonderful. But he only does five pages per month, and he doesn't support PostScript.'

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread!', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Royalty, Episcopacy, and Law.

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

Shakspeare a little altered. - 'He lived not wisely, but too well.'

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'