Narrative Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Victor Hugo

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Thomas Mann.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Television Readers.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Audio Books

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

Iris Murdoch

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Recalculating route..."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'He was a great writer'

My Literary Influences

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

'It'll never work. I'm reading 'Of Mice And men' and you haven't even gotten through 'If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,.'

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'