Narrative Enthusiasts T-Shirts

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Thomas Mann.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Television Readers.

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Silence of the Chickens...

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Characters jumping out of a book.

Audio Books

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

'Is that where you keep the banned books?'

Iris Murdoch

"Recalculating route..."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'He was a great writer'

"There are those who write books to be read and other who write novels for bookshelves."

My Literary Influences

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"I'm not angry, but in the future I’d prefer it if you chewed up her Sue Graftons, not my P.G. Wodehouses."

"Regarding the plot of your novel ... what on earth were you thinking?"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

Editor.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'Is this your first book launch?'