Neurotic Narrative Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Pro Golfer Associated Catatonic Tigrephrenia...'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Audio Books

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Toni Morrison

Meet the pop-up author.

"It's post-gingerbread."

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

Proceedings of the club

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"'Moby-Dick'? Again?"

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

'In lieu of a Christmas bonus, I'm going to read you a story.'

"Sorry, but your personal life story just isn't very original."

"No, I want a story I already know all the words to."

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'