Neurotic Narrative Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Pro Golfer Associated Catatonic Tigrephrenia...'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Audio Books

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

"Name your sources."

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Woody Allen

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

Men discussing a book on a chat show

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

'Hello room service - can you come and tuck me in and read me a story please'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

Toni Morrison

"It's post-gingerbread."

Proceedings of the club

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

Meet the pop-up author.

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

"'Moby-Dick'? Again?"

'In lieu of a Christmas bonus, I'm going to read you a story.'

Gloria's life had been uneventful - until her 40th birthday, when her arms changed into swans.

"Sorry, but your personal life story just isn't very original."

'I like the plot, but are all those nude scenes really necessary?'

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

Fresh Blood In Politics