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"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"Recalculating route..."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

Thomas Keneally

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

Red riding hood giving the wolf a complex

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Toni Morrison

'In lieu of a Christmas bonus, I'm going to read you a story.'

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

Fresh Blood In Politics

"Poetry? Philosophy? Just what kind of dinner conversation do you want?"

"Eve, do you realize that neither you nor I ever had a childhood?"

"I conjured you up a dress, shoes, a corsage, and a limo—I'm not ponying up for an afterparty too."

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

'This is my friend Kate, a publisher of non-fiction, and that's her husband, non-Kate.'

"I want a story that won't challenge my worldview ."

"It's my first novel."

"Same story - boy becomes girl."

Great literary festival heckles.

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"Do I read better than Mommy?"