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"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"Recalculating route..."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

Thomas Keneally

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Red riding hood giving the wolf a complex

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

Toni Morrison

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"This isn't working out - I'm an earthworm and you're a....are you even listening to me?"

'In lieu of a Christmas bonus, I'm going to read you a story.'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Poetry? Philosophy? Just what kind of dinner conversation do you want?"

'This is my friend Kate, a publisher of non-fiction, and that's her husband, non-Kate.'

"Eve, do you realize that neither you nor I ever had a childhood?"

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

"I conjured you up a dress, shoes, a corsage, and a limo—I'm not ponying up for an afterparty too."

Anyone else think the movie was better? Book club bouncer.

Fresh Blood In Politics

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

"I want a story that won't challenge my worldview ."

"It's my first novel."

'Are you blokes crazy? Are you gonna listen to me or the blasted parrot?'

Great literary festival heckles.

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"With all due respect, instead of the phrase 'bank robbery,' we request the alleged incident be referred to as an 'Elmore Leonard moment!'"

"Same story - boy becomes girl."