Narrative Enjoyer T-Shirts

"If you ask me, you can't go wrong with this beautiful bouquet of marijuana."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Dad, please tell me again about that mass production and consumerism."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

Toni Morrison

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

'Heathcliff! Oh, Heathcliff!'

'In lieu of a Christmas bonus, I'm going to read you a story.'

Fresh Blood In Politics

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

Great literary festival heckles.

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

"My Dad has a way of making a long story even longer."

Anecdote Magazine

"Your life's story lacks a protagonist."

Unreliable Narrator

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"Have you considered writing this story in the third monkey rather than the first monkey?"

For several minutes, Norma's body is possessed by the spirit of her dead washing machine,

"Sorry, but your story contains way too much reality!"

"Relax. You're a famous author - no one expects you to talk about anything other than yourself."

'Spinach: The Prequel'