Narrative Enjoyer Gifts

"If you ask me, you can't go wrong with this beautiful bouquet of marijuana."

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Dad, please tell me again about that mass production and consumerism."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

"Oh, you haven’t seen holiday drama ‘till you’ve met our little family."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

Toni Morrison

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

'Two pencils approach Noah's ark.'

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

'Heathcliff! Oh, Heathcliff!'

'In lieu of a Christmas bonus, I'm going to read you a story.'

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

Fresh Blood In Politics

Great literary festival heckles.

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

"I'm looking for a GPS with Morgan Freeman's voice. Maybe my husband will listen to it."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- Career Duck

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"My Dad has a way of making a long story even longer."

Anecdote Magazine

Unreliable Narrator

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"Your life's story lacks a protagonist."

For several minutes, Norma's body is possessed by the spirit of her dead washing machine,

"Relax. You're a famous author - no one expects you to talk about anything other than yourself."

''What I Did During My Summer Vacation -- A Coming of Age Story....''

"Have you considered writing this story in the third monkey rather than the first monkey?"