Narcissism Appreciators Pillows

Vanity Ward - 'Cosmetic surgery.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"Nice haircut."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

A recent study found that scarecrows now actually attract birds. Experts blame it on millions of littering slobs.

Modern Narcissism

'I'm taking vacation next week. And wouldn't you know it, the wife wants to go on a cruise.'

"I got the promotion. Instead of Wednesdays, I'm now the one who gets blamed when things go wrong on Tuesdays."

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

"Come on, Dillman, you'll never know if I'll say 'yes' or 'no' if you don't ask!"

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

RJ Pitts - Getting Others to take the blame since 1984.

Zombie Fish

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

Policing the Police

'You're fired. The test results came back and you tested positive for crack.'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'I'll take that as a screwed up ball of paper bouncing off my head then?'

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

Psychiatric Clinic. I'm not sure giving a narcissist an hour a week where it's all about him counts as therapy.

"And this is the boredroom"

"It was the food critics who gave our soup the two 'reallys'."

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."