Narcissism Appreciators Gifts

Vanity Ward - 'Cosmetic surgery.'

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Nice haircut."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

A recent study found that scarecrows now actually attract birds. Experts blame it on millions of littering slobs.

'I'm taking vacation next week. And wouldn't you know it, the wife wants to go on a cruise.'

Modern Narcissism

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

"I got the promotion. Instead of Wednesdays, I'm now the one who gets blamed when things go wrong on Tuesdays."

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

"Come on, Dillman, you'll never know if I'll say 'yes' or 'no' if you don't ask!"

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

Zombie Fish

"It was the food critics who gave our soup the two 'reallys'."

"And this is the boredroom"

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"Now that it's easier to get a gun than an abortion, I should buy an M16 and perform six very late-term abortions."

RJ Pitts - Getting Others to take the blame since 1984.