Narcissism Aficionados Gifts

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

Tongue in the ear...

Pinocchio Vs. Dracula

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'Why would a just God allow so many teenage vampire movies?'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

'We're finally in - but how will we get out?'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

Under New Mismanagement

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

"Any other bright ideas, Mr. Sex-on-the-Beach?"

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

Professor Van Helsing's long and successful career as a vampire hunter, came to a sudden end due to woodworm.

Death Takes A Time-Share

'YOU try shaving without a reflection sometime!'

'Sorry to disappoint you, your salary increase was a computer error'

Vampire afternoon tea.

'I know you're falling for her, but be careful. Remember: Love is blinders.'

"I've been transferred to the Transylvanian section"

Love Song of the Baby Boomer.

Shear Love.

"Do you know what your problem is, Duane? You're too full of yourself!"

Sure he's a zombie, but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.