Narcissism Aficionados Gifts

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"I love that you still call me 'honey'."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

Two birds sharing a bowl of worms.

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

Pinocchio Vs. Dracula

Tongue in the ear...

"Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally." "I've topped myself, minion." "It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence: we have to simultaneously tear down the competition." "Behold: my masterpiece." "'100 percent of those who drink Coffee King’s coffee will die.'" "Best part is it’s technically true."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

'Why would a just God allow so many teenage vampire movies?'

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

'We're finally in - but how will we get out?'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

Under New Mismanagement

Shortly Thereafter, They Would Make Sweeping Changes To Their Policies.

Dracula Admires His Offspring.

"Any other bright ideas, Mr. Sex-on-the-Beach?"

'He seems cranky, but his heart is in the right place -- we gave him an MRI to be sure.'

Professor Van Helsing's long and successful career as a vampire hunter, came to a sudden end due to woodworm.

'I know you're falling for her, but be careful. Remember: Love is blinders.'

"I've been transferred to the Transylvanian section"

'YOU try shaving without a reflection sometime!'

'Sorry to disappoint you, your salary increase was a computer error'

Death Takes A Time-Share

Vampire afternoon tea.

Dr. Kapuchnik, what's the difference between tears of joy and tears of despair? About 100 dollars an hour.

Love Song of the Baby Boomer.

Shear Love.

"Do you know what your problem is, Duane? You're too full of yourself!"

"Sweetie, you can’t solve this problem by throwing money at it!"