Narcissism Appreciator Gifts

Duck Taking A Selfie

Looking in the mirror

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I always try to give out at least one genuine compliment per day. I don't always succeed."

"This cheap can of domestic beer has a bouquet reminiscent of...beer."

"Nice haircut."

'You don't have the muscles to buy a muscle car, dear.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

Modern Narcissism

A recent study found that scarecrows now actually attract birds. Experts blame it on millions of littering slobs.

'I'm taking vacation next week. And wouldn't you know it, the wife wants to go on a cruise.'

"I got the promotion. Instead of Wednesdays, I'm now the one who gets blamed when things go wrong on Tuesdays."

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

"Since I've gone over to roll-ups I find I can get by on just one cigarette a day!"

'They are boneless, I didn't say anything about beaks.'

Couple kissing by a 'Ped Xing and Oing' sign.

"I'm treating you like a living deity for one day."

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

"Come on, Dillman, you'll never know if I'll say 'yes' or 'no' if you don't ask!"

'And when I snap my fingers you'll be happy with what I pay you.'

"Well... that rhino horn's doing absolutely nothing for me..."

Joe's Truckstop Diner: Eat In - Take Out - Poop somewhere else.

Psychiatric Clinic. I'm not sure giving a narcissist an hour a week where it's all about him counts as therapy.

'I'll take that as a screwed up ball of paper bouncing off my head then?'

Policing the Police

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"It was the food critics who gave our soup the two 'reallys'."

'You're fired. The test results came back and you tested positive for crack.'

Zombie Fish