Narcissism Humor Lover Pillows

'No, they're not pictures of my family. They're selfies.'

'Isn't that Narcissus over there?' - 'Here's lookin' at me, kid!'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

Beach con-man.

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"States of tofu"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Fly Football

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.