Napkin Connoisseur Gifts

'And now a moment of silence so that we may never forget the tragic events of March 31st. . . when we ran out of napkins on sloppy Joe Day.'

Tartine

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

Man on motorbike with side kennel.

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Canape?

"Trail mix?"

"They always throw us stale bread, so I've decided to bake my own, fresh break..."

Mrs Sutherland and her American Hairless Terrier.

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

'So that we can have a productive meeting, please turn off all phones and put away any catnip toys.'

With Compliments

Future Wrestler

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

'I grow all our tomatoes. I grow all our spinach. All you do is complain about the cost of my twice weekly manicures.'

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

'Popcorn? Sure. Would you like huge, mega, super-duper huge or gigundazillion multi multi really insanely huge?'

Christmas Canapes

'Sticky nuts...' "Umm nice nuts but not as sticky as us buns!!"

Eventual Motion Machine

"We're out of empanadas!"

'Organically-grown popcorn? Give me a break!'

'The ranch-style house is for our wiener dog.'

"A kitten for your thoughts."

"He's just come back from a 'managing stress' course...He learnt all sorts of strategies for dealing with pressure...maybe he could show us some of them if he ever wakes up."

How to write

"And this is my husband...he's into energy conservation, mostly his own!"

'You know, I just got a sudden yen for nuts and berries.'

'So we finally dropped the big one.'

"I found that moving this way feels like napping in motion."

"... and just a pinch of catnip for Oscar."