Napkin Novelist Gifts

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."

Napkin Writer

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Meet The Author"

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Victor Hugo

The DaVinci Code

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Jean-Paul Sartre

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Honoré de Balzac

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

"Author does not do tricks."

Iris Murdoch

Gunter Grass

George Orwell

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Sue the Author 3PM

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'