Corporate Novelist Gifts

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

The MBA Draft

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'We're looking for impartial people who think the way we do.'

'Insofar as hard figures are still unavailable, our Mr.Rendleman has written a poem which explores the essence of the firm's situation.'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

"You're a shark! You're a killer! Nothing can stop you! Now get back in that boardroom and apologize."

"Wait -- I have an app that creates a napkin to write the contract terms on."

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"Money is life's report card."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

'Actually, I was hoping for a more inspiring mission statement.'

'I do good work... unfortunately, I don't do it here.'

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."