Mythical Merry-maker Gifts

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

'In the off season, I rent them out as lawn ornaments.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you have to impress-he's a RSPCA inspector!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

"It's my wife - she's trying to lure ships to their doom!"

Working at a brewery.

Angelicus alcholicus.

"All I've got left is smoked."

Finding a Zombie House on Halloween.

God creates humans.

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'You can't pour the boiling oil over them yet - I'm still cooking the chips !'

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

Moses parts the Red Sea.

Humpty Dumpty is sitting on a wall, Below is a man with a boiling pot waiting for him to land in it, Man is licking is lips, he has napkin on and is holding a knife and fork,

Jester

Prosecco and Pudding

A trap for Santa

Dragon roasts a chicken impaled on a knight's sword.

"It's OK, Trump will pardon me."

Drunk Golfer.

"... And would sir like a straw with that?"

It's our editorial opinion that you DESERVE a very Merry Christmas.

Santa's sleigh up on cinder blocks.