Medieval Merrymaker Gifts

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

'We didn't recruit him. He's a walk-on!'

'You can't pour the boiling oil over them yet - I'm still cooking the chips !'

"Okay, everybody! Time for our mid-battle raffle! And today's winning ticket is...numeral XXVII!"

"What do you mean you've got Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?"

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you have to impress-he's a RSPCA inspector!'

Jester

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

"... And would sir like a straw with that?"

Punch and Judy man put in stocks.

'It's an invite to coffee morning from the castle !'

'He went to the salad bar!'

Teutonic knights on a two tonic night!

'That wasn't great sex, but it was fun!'

"I've been neither a lender nor a borrower. On the other hand, I have been an idler and a tosspot."

'You can't cut off his head, Majesty! He belongs to the Jesters Union!'

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

Humpty Dumpty is sitting on a wall, Below is a man with a boiling pot waiting for him to land in it, Man is licking is lips, he has napkin on and is holding a knife and fork,

The baron sneered at the choice of weapon. But, little did he know that Sir Guy was deadly with a soup ladle.

Hang on – It's so funny when the mascots fight!

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

Dragon roasts a chicken impaled on a knight's sword.

"All I've got left is smoked."

"He likes music and he likes comedy, but he hates musical comedies."

Tigers brass band, "Tiger rag-that's what it's all about."

May your Christmas be full of harmony

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

Angelicus alcholicus.

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"How many times have I told you? Stop playing on the stairs!"

Finding a Zombie House on Halloween.