Monastic Merrymaker Gifts

Monks play conkers with crucifix

Hop-scotching monk.

May your Christmas be full of harmony

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

Little Piano

'I'm afraid it's Daddy you have to impress-he's a RSPCA inspector!'

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Angelicus alcholicus.

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

Finding a Zombie House on Halloween.

"I just want to know if I'm healthy enough for bacon?"

"All I've got left is smoked."

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'You can't pour the boiling oil over them yet - I'm still cooking the chips !'

"I realize your prescription bottle says 'Keep Tightly Closed', but you still need to take the medication!"

Humpty Dumpty is sitting on a wall, Below is a man with a boiling pot waiting for him to land in it, Man is licking is lips, he has napkin on and is holding a knife and fork,

'Wait! Let me clip my nails first.'

Jester

Moses parts the Red Sea.

'Don't worry about the side effects. You already suffer from all the side effects caused by this medication.'

Prosecco and Pudding

'Yeah... and I'm the tooth-fairy!'

Drunk Golfer.

Dragon roasts a chicken impaled on a knight's sword.

"It's OK, Trump will pardon me."

Make-your-own-fun at the morgue.