Mystery Meat Aficionado Gifts

"Just remember...the main ingredient in all my dishes is love."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Important Food Groups

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

A butcher announcing he will kill his own meat

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"We get all our meat from a man dressed like a butcher."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"I only recommend the 24 oz. Prime rib for big fat guys."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

*=Hotdog

"I'm not a total vegetarian, sometimes I like a bit of buffalo."

Family Butcher.

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

'I was like you once, full of ambition! AND LOOK WHERE IT GOT MEEE!'

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

Down on Her.

"Veal or non-veal?"

Pigs at butcher: 'One day son, all this will be you..'

"Appetizer is almost done."

"We're making progress."

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

"You'd think over the years one or two of them would catch on."

Cooked rare.

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

Nothing sweeter than seeing an old couple holding hams.

'And exactly where did you find the 'antique salami slicer'?'

'Bovine Growth Hormone.'

Vlad the Impaler - The Later Years.

"Sure we could just print out the specials, but the chef doesn't want to leave a paper trail."