Musical Golfer Gifts

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'You both know the rules -- walk 1 paces, turn, and tee off on each other.'

Golfer hanging from tree branch to play difficult shot.

Golf lessons

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'I don't care if you do need practice hitting out of the sand. The cat needs her litter box!'

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

'I wonder why my master never makes it into the Master's Tournament?'

Delusional Golfer's Optical Illusion

'Don't move.'

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

'I'd rather be playing football.'

Man in artic weather playing sport with snow balls

"Swallow the ball and stick the club up your a**e."

Hole in forty-seven.

'You know your mother Dave, she's always on my back about something.'

"How long is this hole!! 540 metres!! I'll need a car to drive that far!!"

"Thank you."

'Birdie.'

"Apparently, the golf clothes and expensive golf clubs didn't help you play better."

"Duh!"

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Dog fetching golf ball

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

'Where's your other glove?'

"He,he!. . . Some guy on the ninth hole is going crazy looking for this!"

"A preliminary census report indicates that for the first time in our nation's history female anthropologists out-number male professional golfers."

"My handicap? I'm a poor loser."